New year, new(?) me

Sarah Millican has just changed my life.

That may sound dramatic, given the background of this post: I’ve been sat here all evening trying to think of something to write about, because none of you want to read about the minutiae of me lying on the sofa in pyjamas, converting 80% of the cells in my body into cheeselets for over a week – although on a personal level it’s been glorious.

Whilst I was sat here this evening, Sarah Millican’s live show ‘Outsider’ appeared on the telly. I’ve seen it so many times – I love it. But this evening a specific bit jumped out at me.

She started talking about how when you start high school you are given a stereotype and it becomes very difficult, if not impossible, to shake it. I was externally always the fat nerd, but often when anyone from any of the ‘cool’ stereotypes spent any length of time talking to me individually, they’d say things like ‘you’re actually all right, you know!’ or ‘you’re quite cool really.’ I took these as compliments at the time, but now I’d quite like someone to hand me a flux capacitor which I can get fitted to my Hyundai i10 by a kindly professor, so I can drive back and throw the festering poppered trackie bottoms from the PE department’s lost property at their heads.

Sarah then goes on to say, that the great thing is you can leave school and then you can be anything you want to be.

Well. What a bloody freeing revelation.

Finally at the age of 24, this is my time to relinquish the title of ‘fat nerd’. The shackles of my label are going to be thrown off! 2018 is going to be my year! I can close all the tabs I’ve got open about nerdy stuff! I could become anything I want to! I could marry into the Kardashian family! I could start training for a triathlon in a bid to one day win Sports Personality of the Year! I could write a stand-up comedy show and take it to Ediburgh! I could learn to ski and become an instructor!I could write a Radio 4 sit-com and get an agent! I could travel all around the globe! I could learn how to use commas, or just break all the writing rules and use as many exclamation marks as I bloody well want to!!!!!!!!!!!

… as long as none of them involve leaving this sofa or dressing in anything other than Wonder Woman pyjamas.



Little by little

“It doesn’t matter that I weigh 21 stone and it’s pretty tough, or that I run slower than one of the old ladies who uses a zimmer frame to walk her dog, I still love it.”