I want to be Beyoncé when I grow up

To quote myself from a previous post:

‘During the time I’m on the Cambridge Weight Plan, I don’t want to put on weight at all.’

Ahahaha. HAHA. Ahahahahahahaha x a million.

Before I launch full throttle into the following post, there will be no rolling in mint and offering myself as a sacrificial lamb to the god of fat busting. I will not be roasting myself.

I’ve been on holiday in Dorset for a week so time is a little hazy. A couple of weeks ago, I weighed and I’d put on 7lbs – a product of the two weeks prior, but here’s the thing:

When I stepped on the scales, I didn’t gasp in horror, or jump off of them quicker than you can say ‘U WOT M8?’ I took the receipt, folded it up, put it in my purse and carried on with my day.

This is a massive thing for me. Based on my previous missions to lose weight, I was likely to go home wielding a bag filled with Pringles and Galaxy caramel and sit crying whilst watching Bridget Jones and sobbing to my cuddly toy Stitch that “it’s so unfair I’ll never be Beyoncé when I grow up.”

I think part of the reason I didn’t do the above, is because despite putting on weight, I was in control the whole time. Everything I ate was considered. Whether that meant having  a burger without a bun, having less of something calorific etc etc. I made good little choices, and never once spiralled into the uncontrolled food shovelling I probably would have turned to before. As I said, I’ve been on holiday in Dorset this week, and have been a little bit off plan again, still making reasonable choices most of the time. This showed up when I went and saw Ro to weigh on Thursday – I’ve lost 3lbs of the 7 I put on. GOOD START.

I’ve said it once, and I will say it a thousand times if I flipping well have to – it’s the shame that gets us. It’s the shame that causes the circular cycle of ‘I’ve binged, I’m useless and not worth the effort of looking after myself, so I’ll binge’ and so on and so forth. It’s hard, but if you can crumple the shame up into a tiny little shame ball and give it a bloody good kicking from here to Kingdom Come, it does wonders.

I just want to give a little message if you’re feeling like giving up, feeling ashamed because you feel like you’ve failed already and don’t want the shame of restarting once again, or just feeling like you aren’t good enough to warrant making this massive change.

You haven’t failed, you’re GREAT. Everyone who’s great hits a blip sometimes.

Don’t see it as a restart. See it as one continuous journey. If you see it as a restart, the bits between restart walls become the perfect places for shame to lurk. If you see it as one continuous journey, there are no walls. Just a line. Shame doesn’t like it there.

And you are totally worth it. Your body is awesome. It carries you about and does great things, it is so worth looking after – whatever that might mean for you.

So, when I go back to Watford, I’m going to be going for it 100% on step 1B of the plan. I’ve enjoyed my little jolly – but greatly looking forward to restarting my yoga (I feel really bleurgh that I haven’t been doing it) and watching the scales go down again.







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